Kinship in chaos

I've been reading tweets and watching news bulletins of the floods wreaking havoc in Queensland, Australia. There are tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat as I sit at my desk, images of the damage and disaster flashing across my computer screen. I find it quite strange how something like a land or country has the ability to creep into one's very soul and evoke an emotional response. It's been almost a year since I left Australian shores (due to circumstance, not choice) to return [home] to South Africa. A year of painful experiences and heart warming moments in equal measure, yet one that in my mind still pales by comparison when placed alongside the two years lived Down Under. Pales in the light of the love I feel for a land of red earth and blue skies; a land full of people with strange accents and an even stranger sense of humour. And while there isn't a shadow of doubt that I feel a primal pull to Africa - an ancient sense of origin that runs like blood through my veins - the connection I feel to fellow South Africans is vastly overshadowed by that which I experience with Australians. I realise it probably sounds ridiculous and if you're a South African reading this you may be scoffing but it's as if the evolution of my idea's and beliefs during the two years I lived there now define my citizenship more than the passport I hold. I don't know how to explain it other than to conclude that I fell in love with a sun-scorched land of contradiction and complexity and that in loving her she made sure I would never forget her or the people who call her "Home", nor fail to identify in the pain of their suffering or the joy of their triumph.

To every Australian affected by the flooding in Queensland, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. May the clouds dissipate and the sun beat down gloriously once again.

New year, new beginning

It's official: I am moving to London! My visa has been approved, my letter of resignation handed in and my ticket booked and paid for. Now all that's left is 14 days to sort through, reminisce at, obsess over and whittle down to 30 kg's all my worldly possessions in eager anticipation of D-Day: January 19th, 2010. Utter panic is currently being held at a safe distance by sheer disbelief. But not for long. Let the countdown begin!

Children in adult bodies

I’ve spent the better part of the evening listening to two grown adults go at it like children in a school yard fight. The reason the argument began in the first place was quickly forgotten by the individuals involved (although not by myself - I’m still trying to come to terms with how completely juvenile and ridiculous it is) but two and a half hours in they were still going at it with the ferocity of two pitbulls in a dog fighting match. When it came to tactics, the one chose to drink himself into oblivion which only served to increase the gusto and lessen the reason with which he argued. The other resorted to intermittent childish screaming in an attempt to overthrow her opponent by sheer force of will, if nothing else. Needless to say, neither tactic resulted in much success and it struck me that growing up is a choice some fail to make. Scientifically, adulthood is determined by age but in reality it is our actions [and reactions] that determine whether or not we are worthy of the title.

And so it begins...

Amidst all the festivities and cheer there is a certain amount of subconscious panic that descends as talk of Christmas begins. Why, I wonder? Is it perhaps because Christmas heralds the coming to a close of yet another year? Suddenly it feels as though the months have snuck by us unnoticed. One would even be excused for feeling somewhat cheated at their swift & silent progression. As Christmas decorations begin to appear in the shopping malls and carols are broadcast from their sound systems, I find myself frantically trying to account for the many months that amount to yet another year. What do I have to show for the swift progression of time? And then, inevitably, I give up the search of my memory to begin the search for the perfect Christmas gifts. Distraction replaces distress.

But only for so long. For here I stand, adding yet another Christmas, yet another year, to the annals of my memory. Only a few days remain. Days for contemplation: of what has been and what is yet to come. Another year is in the throes of completion.

I am spending the final week of 2010 in the middle of the African bush; food, drink & game drives aplenty.  Red earth and blue sky: the perfect backdrop for contemplative thought. Yet surprisingly, very little comes to one’s mind when so at peace. One thing I have decided, though. Starting this next year, I will begin to consciously determine my fate. Gone are the days of simply going with the flow, of making the best of bad situations. This next year I plan to grab life by the figurative balls and live it to the fullest. I will decide what it is I want and go for it, guns blazing. No more of this half-assed, scare-to-fail bullshit. Life is indeed too short!

And what better way to begin than by taking hold of the reigns of my life, saddling up this damn horse and heading into the great unknown. To clarify, I am starting this New Year by packing up my life and moving to one of the greatest cities in the world, London. I cannot wait to explore: a new city and myself in it. And better yet, to record my experiences...the good, the bad and the ugly. May it make for great reading!

xoxo

g.a.